17 Hours

March 7, 2008 via my MySpace blog

Caveat: This post features several expletives. Barely edited.

The title’s a little rip off of Stephen Colbert’s “I Am America (And So Can You!)” book. (Comedic genius, I’m telling you.) I just admitted that. But, still, one day I plan to write a book featuring several of my lifetime basketball columns comprised in the title of “I Am The NBA (And So Can You!)”. But y’know, maybe I shouldn’t, because that’d relegate me to come off as an idiotic uncreative/unoriginal douchebag sportswriter, and I don’t want to don that senseless title, y’know? So I’ll commence on that journey when I get there. As for now, it’s time to ridicule my fellow white cracker brethren who listen to this bullshit that’s making a mockery of hip hop music.

I’m really annoyed at all the ignorant songs these rappers are putting out these days, while they’re calling it “music” by making a mockery of hip hop music.

Hip Hop is a genre, and rap is a category of it. For whatever reason, “crunk music” has popped out over the last few years and has burst out of its nascent self into a constant annoyance in the world of hip hop today.

Contrary to what you idiots that listen to that junk think, this shit that Lil Jon, Lil Wayne, all the other Lil bitches, Young Joc, Young Berg, all the other young sons of bitches, Mims, Soulja Boy, 50 Cent, Flo Rida and T-Pain are putting out IS NOT HIP HOP MUSIC.

It’s mainstream, being on the air so much. It’s popular. Therefore, it’s pop music. Pop. is the abbreviation for population, obviously, if you get what I’m saying. Yet, for some reason, all of this shit is being compiled, and according to a bunch of white dudes whom don’t know what the hell hip hop is, it’s the greatest thing since Tupac Shakir.

It’s pretty funny when you get over the part that pisses you off, too. African Americans/blacks (pick your word that you want to be politically correct because I’m tired of choosing and hate being ridiculed for using the one over the other) are the ones that are being stereotyped and are known as the “scapegoats” of Hip Hop’s demise. I don’t understand that, either. It’s the young, stupid ass, illiterate ignorant white teenage guys that are buying the music, downloading it or hyping it up so its on the radio and/or on television all the damn time. Can’t fault the brothers on that one.

If I took the time of day (which I don’t have), I could list hundreds of underground rappers that actually have the talent to be on the mainstream market to produce much better hip hop music compared to the said dumbshits I listed in the (two) above graph. Why is it that the guys that are working hard for what they do, a lot better? It’s because they actually have a background. They weren’t born sucking on billion dollars tits when they were babies. They didn’t have the upbringing or opportunities like the guys I listed have today, therefore they weren’t spoiled or have the money to get into it all and make it big. And, for once being said, maybe that’s a good thing. Since they shouldn’t be exposed to the money that will garner fame to their over-satiated minds.

Bitches n’ ho’s, bitches n’ hos — SHUT THE HELL UP! If I wanted to listen to “hip hop music” (again, it’s NOT hip hop) that repeated the same bullshit about throwing one-hundred dollar bills around like Pacman Jones, I’d write a “hip hop” song myself (in fact, I’ve made idiotic parodies of several stupid ass hip hop songs).

Hip Hop music isn’t about concocting a bunch of words together that appear to rhyme and labeling it hip hop ONLY beacuse it has a good beat. I would rather listen to a song that has great lyrics and meaning to it with a shitty beat than a song with shitty lyrics and an amazing beat.

Fact of the matter is, all this shit by Lil Jon and Lil Wayne and T.I. and all the other dumbasses, well, it’s DANCE MUSIC. It’s NOT hip hop. It’s the kind of music where you go to clubs and see drunk chicks shaking their asses to it, which motivates you to get the idea to attempt to take them home for one-night stands.

REAL hip hop music use to get people to think, use their mind and catch the full meaning of the song. Now, it’s only to fuck with your mind, practically brainwash you and trick you into thinking its music. It’s only a bunch of idiots who can’t rap yelling or making loud, obnoxious noises into the microphone. Yet, all of that nonsense they do, it augments their status and popularity.

And people wonder why society’s so f’ed up in the head.

Nas should preach it more — Hip Hop is dead. And everybody with a sufficient mind understands it.

Lil Jon is about the nerdiest dumbass in “Hip Hop” these days. He’s like the king of crunk music — he practically (and literally?) invented “crunk music.” Y’know, I could get a microphone and yell idiotic shit into it if I wanted to by yelling “yeah,” and “what” over and over, then yelling “let’s go, if you wanted, let’s get it, let’s go” (referring to the highly overrated pump-up song known as Let’s Go) over and over. But I won’t; I’d rather rub my eyes against barbwire for hours than take part in listening to stupid shit or diving into the hyperbole myself.

Lil Wayne sounds like a 12-13 year old that hasn’t fully experienced the journey of the “balls-to-drop” yet. He sounds like he hasn’t hit puberty yet. What the hell? Listen to one of his songs and you’ll see. What kind of shit is that? He’s a terrible rapper. I don’t even understand how he’s popular with a voice like that. Just goes to show that American has downgraded its level to allow more no-talent hasbeens like Lil Wayne (that’s not even a cool rapper name either) to take over.

And T.I. Where do I start? He’s gotten so damn dry the last two years. Most of his songs nearly have the same beat or the same type of feel to them. He and 50 Cent are one of the more unoriginal artists out there. T.I. just can’t stop writing lyrics about his fame and his bullshit upbringing in Atlanta (that he has an orgy over on every song). And 50, damn, he got his ass whipped by Kanye West in one of those futile CD battles that he’s too embarrassed to put anything else out. Most of his stuff has less quality than anything out there. T.I. and 50 are another clustered example of two no-talent dumbasses that put out the same type of music every CD. They’re like EA Sports with Madden — same junk every year, but still, people find it appealing.

Soulja Boy? This dude is right around my age and is writing this junk. “Crank Dat” was quite amusing for a week. Then it got stale. It’s a dance song. Not a hip hop song. And what’s with the song “Yah”? What the fuck is that shit? It’s a moron yelling “YAH BITCH YAH” every 20-25 seconds (probably even more than that in less intervals) with hardly any verses. And those verses usually contain the most nonsense stuff I’ve ever heard in my life. This kid hasn’t been through shit. He wasn’t born into the ghetto. He was born sucking on billionaire tits from the beginning, and benefited from being so damn rich that he eventually took the status to become a rapper. ANOTHER NO-TALENT DUMBASS.

I don’t even think I need to explain the rest of the said no talent fucktards that I listed. I’ve already explained enough. If you want to debate, let’s roll, but I doubt you can construct an argument to counter the debacle that hip hop has become, “homie.”